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Monday, August 18, 2008

Twin Boy Babies Miller

Teresa writes:
I have recently given myself a naming delima, and am hoping you and your beautiful, charming readers will be able to help.

My husband and I are due to have our first children on Sept. 18th, twin boys (YAY!). Early in my husband’s and my relationship, we talked hypothetically about names for children, and future expectations. Now that the pregnancy has actually materialized, I am reconsidering one of the options I originally thought was great.

We agreed that if we had twins, the girl(s) would have my initials, and the boy(s) would have his initials with the first boy being named after him. I am still happy with naming our first son after his father, but I am now thinking that giving both boys the same initials is too cutesy. My husband still likes our original name choices, but I wanted to ask your opinion to see if there was something we were missing.

Our original name choices were: David Lloyd Miller, Jr. (DLM); my husband’s name – non negotiable, and Duncan Lucas Miller. While I love, love, love the name Duncan, Lucas does not seen to fit so well, it is just the best “L” name I could find. Also, it may seem silly, but I am concerned as to the feelings of the child not named after his father, even though he was part of the first pregnancy, will he feel left out or slighted in some way? So, I am considering the name Adam Mac Miller (AMM). Adam, because he was the first man God created and Mac because it means “son of”, so his name would mean first man son of Miller.

For reference, other names we like are: Stockton, Bradford, and Maximilian.

What do you think; are the names David and Duncan okay together? Am I overreacting to think the child not named after his father will care? Is there a great name out there I am missing? I need help!

I have a friend who, as it happens, was in your exact situation: she was expecting twin boys, and they wanted to name one boy after the father but were afraid the other boy would then feel less special---especially since she was having a c-section, and so the birth order would be arbitrary. I'll tell you what she did, because I thought it was genius: they named the SECONDBORN twin after his father. And they gave the firstborn twin a significant family name from the mom's side of the family.

I'll just let the amazingness of that sink in. Isn't that GREAT?

If your husband is going to insist on the firstborn as his namesake (honestly, men and their names---you hardly ever see women doing this kind of thing), then I don't think using Adam for the secondborn helps. If you're using it mainly for its significant meaning, and its meaning is "first man," what does that mean when it's for the second boy? It almost seems like saying, "What's special about YOU is that we're naming you AS IF you had been the firstborn twin! Because being FIRST is what is special!" Instead of giving the secondborn his own specialness, it re-emphasizes that being first is what's important.

If you love the name Duncan and don't have a significant family name from your own side of the family you like as much or more, I think you should stay with Duncan. (I like Lucas with it, too.) David and Duncan are good together, and it follows the naming system you and your husband agreed on, and people love a little gimmick in twin names: you'll get a lot of positive reaction to the matching initials.

What do the rest of you think?

[Name update! 09-29-2008 Teresa writes:
I just wanted you to know that our twin boys arrived mostly healthy, but small on September 4th, and came home soon after in perfect condition. Your readers were incredibly helpful and my husband and I took a lot of what was said into consideration. Ultimately, we decided to split my husband's name between our boys and chose the names Stockton Lloyd and Duncan David; Stockton and Duncan. Neither boy is named exactly after my husband, and nobody shares initials, but they both have strong names that honor their father. We are very happy with the names (and the boys) and want to thank your readers for all their help, they really did make a difference.]


Fine For Now said...

Yes, you are right, naming the second one Adam to try to make him feel better is still reaffirming that being named after the father is the most important.

What a great idea to name the second son after a family member, perhapse a grandfather?

Also, Duncan Lucas is a wonderful name!

Lisa said...

I'm not feeling the David and Duncan thing. I too, would be worried about Duncan and if he would feel less by not getting his father's name.

I'm not sure of the Adam situation either. Here is some more ideas to mull over:

Idea #1 - What if you give the second boy names with YOUR (the mother's) initials. Any names there that you like?, or maybe there is a masculine name similar to your name? First - father's initials (and name) and Second mother's initials. Just noticed your name...David and Terrence, Terrell,Terren/Terrin, Terry??

Or, idea #2 - I know your husband is pretty set on the first getting his name, but what if the first son gets his first name, and second son gets his middle name? David Lucas and Duncan Lloyd? So both boys get names of their father? This also might help on the differentiating of father and son?

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

What about Reese as a play off of the name Teresa? David Lloyd and Reese Lucas?

Shelly Overlook said...

I like David and Duncan, but I also like the above suggestion of Reese as a variation of Teresa. That way both boys are named after the parents. What a genius idea!

Anonymous said...

I really don't think that the kids will be bothered by this. Especially boys.....they won't likely have the same type of teenage drama that girls might.

As far as the initial thing goes, I like having the same initials for twins. I think somewhat matchy names are good for the kids and as long as they don't ryhme or are too crazy (Larry and Harry/Hope and Faith) then you are good. But I have twin sisters named Kimbra Lea and Kara Lynn, so I am a bit biased.

I would recommend that you make sure when applying for their SS#'s that you get totally different numbers. My mom was worried about that and the nurses assured her that they won't get numbers that were close, but the ended up 1 digit apart.

Mrs. M said...

I like Duncan Lucas and I like David and Duncan together. However I would be concerned about child one getting Dad's name and child 2 getting a name because the initials matched. Since life handed you twins maybe you re-evaluate the initial situation. I like the David Lucas and Duncan Lloyd. That seems to work. Any D or L names in the family you can use and mix in there?

I'd totally save Reese for a girl name after you if you go againist the initial thing.

Susan said...

You know, I think naming the second-born for the father rather than the first-born really helps. Also, perhaps refer to the boys as "Duncan and David" rather than "David and Duncan." It's almost impossible not to say the name that matches the Dad's name first, but doing that reinforces the idea that it's the more special name.

Beth said...

I would reconsider having the initials match EXACTLY. Why not stick with David and Duncan but differentiate with the middle initial? I suspect there might be quite a few times when you want to label their stuff or something and it will be handy not to have two DLM's (actually, 3 counting Dad). This isn't a major issue but if you aren't sold on Lucas anyway, why not choose a "non-L" name.

Dallas said...

I vote against naming one kid the same as the father in the case of twins. I think it could end up being hurt feelings, especially when that boy gets to be a Junior and later could carry the name onto his son to be a III. I'd go with both boys getting dads initials, but neither get the exact name.

DirtyHippy said...

Hmmm . . . I think you're right to be concerned about boy #2's feelings. With your current plan, one name has a TON of significance and the other has hardly any.

I'm not big on twins with matching anything, so I think the best suggestion so far has been that if twin #1 must be a Jr., then give twin #2 a name either from your side of the family or with your initials.

Love David and Reese, if that appeals to you.

janet said...

just to throw another thought out there. Maybe Duncan would be relieved not to be a "Jr." This isn't a comment on the merits of either name (David and Duncan are both fine names) but I know my husband is glad he has his own name and isn't going through life as Dad Jr.

Also, I would 2nd the idea of Reese -- cute!

Jill said...

I like the idea of using your husband's middle name with twin #2. I agree that having one twin as a Jr will leave out the other twin. Also, in my experience Jr's are usually more trouble than it's worth (mix-ups with bank accounts, phone confusion [wait, which David?] etc.)

Still Awake Sarah said...

What if you named your first son Adam Mac, so the meaning "First man son of Miller" would be applicable, and name your second son David Lloyd after his father?

That way both sons would have a "significant" name. Adam's would emphasis his position as eldest son, and David would be named for his father to give him a special name too.

I am not against matchy names in twins, I think they are fun really, but sometimes it's nice to have two different initials when labeling objects.

f8hful_lo said...

I agree with others that when there are twins involved why would one of them be a junior? That does not make sense to me. I like the name Duncan alot, but would pair it with Lewis instead of Lucas because the two hard C's don't sound right to my ear. I also like the name Reese. Sorry I am not much help!

Kimberly said...

Sorry - I have to agree with most of the previous posters. It seems a little unfair to name one after Dad and the other not. I really like the compromise of David Lucas and Duncan Lloyd. That way they share Dad's name.

corazondeswiss said...

I like David Lucas and Duncan Lloyd. But I also like naming the secondborn after dad instead of firstborn.

I'm not too much help!

Anonymous said...

As a mother of twin boys - we had a hard time with names... not big on the matchy thing at all (ours are identical and have enough that matches)!
We do however like names with family signifigance... what we ended up doing was give one my middle name (family name) and the other one my husbands middle name... in terms of who got what - we went with what sounded best with their first names, and didn't make any choice based on birth order. We didn't want either one to feel left out or more 'important' than the other one - something that you realize as a parent of twins more and more, after they are born.

Pocket said...

I really like David and Duncan together. I'm a teacher and I've seen quite a few silly twin names, one pair that pops into mind is Xavier (pronounced with a Z sound) and Javier (pronounced with an H sound). Twin brothers with almost the exact same name! What craziness! David and Duncan still sound like a pair, but separate enough that teachers will love them both for who they are!

Bethtastic said...

Swistle has a great idea - name the second David Lloyd, Jr....and how about Duncan Reese for the first? Significant, family reference, different initials. All good. :)

Nicole said...

I like David and Duncan. And I like Lucas. I think the idea of giving the second born the same name as Dad is a thoughtful solution. The only other thing I'd suggest is for you to give Duncan a family significant middle name.

Nana said...

I have 5-year-old twin grandsons -- James David (middle name same as maternal grandfather) and Andrew Leon (middle name same as father's). James (first out of the womb) has asked why he doesn't have his father's name, but seems satisfied to have his "Papa's" name. In this case, their mother had James David picked out for a baby boy. When she found out they were having twin boys, I encouraged her to give the second boy their father's name as his middle name.

One of our sons -- John David -- has two little boys, two years apart in age. He always planned to name his first son David. When he and his wife found out their second baby was a boy, my son felt this son should have one of his names too. Because both boys have Korean middle names (which are 'alternative' names for them as they are growing up bilingually), there was only one position -- first name -- for a name that somehow related to the father's other name -- John, without having two family members with the exact same name. They considered several names beginning with JO or J, and finally decided on Jonathan.

I'm in favor of both using family names (each of our 15 grandchildren has one as a first or middle name) and of every child having his own name within his nuclear family. I think it can be a burden for a son to have exactly the same name as his father -- the only exception being, perhaps, when the son is called by a different name. In the case of twin boys, I think it would be even more problematic to have one twin as Daddy, jr. and the other twin, as "the other one".

Nana said...

Duncan Lloyd and Liam David? The twins would each have one of their father's names, yet also their own name within your family. I think Liam and Duncan are compatible because of their Celtic connections, yet the names begin with different letters and are more distinctive than two names beginning with the same letter. The twins would have the same first and middle initials in different order.

Steph the WonderWorrier said...

I have to agree. For a singleton baby, naming after a parent makes sense...but I don't think that works with twins.

What I think you should do is give them unique first names, and then dad's first and middle names as their middle names. (Lucas David, Adam Lloyd for example).

I mean, already in this post we can see it: We're calling one of them "the other twin" while we talk about the twin named David... so I feel like it's already looking unfair.

If you want to make them juniors, do you have brothers or grandfathers you could name the second twin after? Give them both full family names, or both family middle names. Or, keep the DLM initials but come up with completely new names. I don't think you should name one fully after Dad and not the other.

Anonymous said...

Just some random data points:

My husband, who is the 2nd born son, is named after his father (first name only though, so not a jr.).

My sister's ex-husband was the 2nd born of boy-boy twins. The firstborn twin did receive their father's name, and there was not anything ever really weird about it (it's not that for twins than for non-twin boy siblings IMO). Each of those twins went on to have sons who received their fathers' names.

I love the idea of giving the father's name to the 2nd born twin though (with the first twin getting Adam), or giving one twin the father's first name and one twin his middle name as a first name (I'm not a fan of twins with the same initials - just personal preference).

Anonymous said...

as a twin, i see this as a non issue. other than i don't are for sibling names to start w/ the same letter; especially for twins (my own personal preference).

as long as both names have some kind of significance, feelings will not be hurt.

my sister was named after my mom's best friend (first and middle name) and i was named after a cute little girl who lived in our neighborhood and was given my mom's middles name for my middle name.

there were never any thoughts or hurt feelings that had me thinking, mom and dad must have loved her more b/c she was named after mom's best friend and i was named after a stranger...ridiculous.

Kristi said...

I don't really like the idea of giving one twin the father's full name. I really like nana's suggestion of reversed same intials and each son getting a part of the father's name.

Good Luck!

C said...

I agree with Janet. I see why people name sons after their fathers, but I've always thought it could go either way. David might feel jealous because he's the only one in the household who doesn't get his own name. So, do what you feel comfortable with and what you like. If you do your job as parents, neither child will feel cheated.