My sister sent me the link to your blog and what a great job you do! My husband and I are really hoping you can help us.
We are Kathryn Dana Fisher and Ethan James Finch, and we go by Kay and EJ.
We are expecting a baby girl in mid-May. My husband and I both had children already when we married. I have 2 girls, 6 and 3: Lucy Emalyn and Jane Allaire (middles are family names). My husband has three boys (7,5,4) named Felix Augustus, Basil Sebastian, and Titus Erastus. So...he likes very old fashioned, unusual, ancient Rome-y sounding names, and I like very common, simple, classic names.
You can probably see the issue here! What name brings together Lucy, Jane, Felix, Basil and Titus? There isn't one! the boys names all tie together really nicely and so do the girls names, and I guess if they weren't going to be stepsibs we might be inclined to find a name that just matches Lucy and Jane (so many options!) but as it happens they ARE stepsibs, and this poor girl--who with five other kids is going to be our only baby together--is probably already going to feel left out. And her last name will be different too--Lucy and Jane are Fisher, and Felix, Basil and Titus are Finch, and the baby will be Finch-Fisher. and we literally have NO IDEAS. We both have extensive lists, but there is no overlap.
So we need to find a name that we both like AND a name that sounds like it might possibly be at least a little bit part of this sibset AND it has to go with the last name Finch-Fisher AND we need a middle name. We probably won't try to use family names--my family is mostly taken care of and the tradition in EJ's family is that there ARE no traditions. (if we were to use a family name it might be Samantha or Ramona, or maybe Rosabel).FWIW I LIKE my stepsons names, but I don't love them, and I want to love my baby's name...and EJ feels the same way.
So...here are our lists, in no particular order, if this helps:
Emma (I LOVE THIS)
Lily (couldnt use because of Lucy, obviously)
(for some reason I really love short girl names!)
So...here's hoping you can help, Swistle!
I strongly suggest matching this baby girl's name to her sisters' names. It's not unusual for a family to have different tastes in boy names than in girl names, and so a style divide there is familiar and unsurprising. If you have Felix, Basil, and Titus, and Lucy, Jane, and Emma, everyone fits together very nicely and no one could tell from the first names who came from which parent pairing. But if you instead blend this baby girl's name with her brothers' names, we have an odd jarring style mis-match that makes her stand out: Felix, Basil, and Titus; Lucy, Jane, and Sidonia.
When there is no overlap, sometimes there IS no name that both parents will love, and it works better to divide up the name slots and try to make it balance as best you can. I suggest giving her a first name from your list and a middle name from your husband's list. Your husband could choose his favorite from your list and you could choose your favorite from his; or, maybe it would be more pleasing for him to choose his favorite for the middle name, since he wouldn't be getting his first name choice. He could have more/full sway in the first name (but from your list), and maybe full say in the middle name, to balance your getting your style for the first name.
A possible area for finding overlap is to find a name that IS Ancient Rome-y, but doesn't SOUND quite so Ancient Rome-y. I'm looking in The Baby Name Wizard's Classical section, and I see Aemilia (Amelia or Emily), Lydia, Julia, Cassia, and Livia. Or on Behind the Name, I see Claudia, Camilla, Cecilia, Priscilla, and Virginia. I think Aida from your husband's list could work beautifully: Lucy, Jane, and Aida is not too jarring---especially if it were spelled Ada.
Another possible area for finding overlap would be to find an Ancient Rome type name that has a nickname that's more your style. If you didn't have a Lucy already, Luciana with the nickname Lucy would be a perfect example of this. Or Aemilia with the nickname Emmie. Cassia with the nickname Cass. Aurelia with the nickname Lia or Milly. Cordelia with the nickname Cora or Delia. Letitia with the nickname Lettie. Liviana with the nickname Livvy or Anna/Annie. Serena with the nickname Sara.
And finally, you could toss out both of your preferred styles and see if you can find a style you have in common. The Baby Name Wizard is a great book for this: you'd toss out Antique Charm and Classical, and you'd see if there was any category that had names you both liked.